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LaLionne

LaLionne

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دعاء الأنبياء والصالحين - Muhammad Mutawalli Ash-Sha'raawi ***1 vagina-gone-wild star***

- - - WARNING, SOME OF THE QUOTES AREN'T SUITED FOR YOUNGER READERS ;-) - - -

Now, with that out of the way, I want to punch myself in the face for reading this book.
description

OMG what a ridiculous book. Stupid and slutty heroine and what-the-f@ck-is-he-all-about hero. There wasn't a single thing I liked about this story. Juvenile writing, underdeveloped characters and confusing plot that had no clear direction where it was heading.

The story starts after heroine escapes her captor (her husband). She makes a life for herself, settles down and meets a guy. She is glad to be free and hopes that he will never find her. But almost every night she wakes up all sweaty, with her hand in her underwear, masturbating, because she dreamt about her ex. WTF? You either afraid of him or you ain't, make up your mind, you slut! The icing on the cake was when the guy started to sleep over and noticed what she was doing. Not only that, she was talking in her sleep asking him do all sorts things to her:
"What did I say?" I asked.
"You wanted me to spank you. You wanted me to stick my fingers in your a$$, and you said you needed me to f@ck your pu$$y."
"I warned you. I told you I was fucked up,"
That you most certainly are! WTF?
He asked what's the matter and offered her to tell him what was bothering her. She started telling him about her sexcapades with her ex in explicit details, how he bend her over over what furniture and which fingers went where. OMG! And then, every time she was done with the story, she asked him to do the things her ex did to her, because... well, because she is f@cked up (her words).
description
He was horrified. He is not f@ck-you-against-the-wall type of guy, he is make-love-in-a-missionary-position type of guy. So he was trying to give her massages, was being nice and careful, and the bitch wasn't having it.

But here comes the "best" part - her name-calling her vagege. Brace yourselves :-D.
Really vagina? You traitor.
***
Stupid vagina.
***
Jesus, vagina, chill out.
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Stupid, deserted, vagina.
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Stupid vagina, always taking his side.
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Hold your horses, vagina.
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I swear if I could disown my vagina I would have.
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Whoa Vagina.
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Jesus vagina. Did you get a brain injury too?
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Stupid vagina, never on my side.
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Are you serious? Stupid fucking vagina.
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I swear if I could have traded this vagina for another one, I would have.
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My vagina seemed to have a mind all of its own.
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Jesus vagina, calm the hell down, I'm working on it.
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My vagina always seemed to be working against me.
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I swear my vagina overpowered my brain sometimes.
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Of course my vagina had to go and stick her nose in it too.
***
The sight of him sent a quivering sensation to my attention deflected disorder vagina.
***
I think maybe my vagina was on break, pissed off, or just not interested.
***
I think my vagina was on strike anyway, I never heard a peep.
***
Really vagina?
***
My stupid vagina just happened to wake up from the dead. How fucking convenient.
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Stupid fucking vagina. You do remember that we are panty-less?
***
Down vagina, not now.
Oh, here is my personal favorite:
That's it. I'm getting a fucking vagina transplant.

Then, later, her husband tracks her down. Long story short, one of his buddies pushes her in front of the buss (I think), she gets a brain injury and looses her memory. He brings her with him and keeps telling her that she is his wife and that they are happily married. He starts drugging her and raping her while she's unconscious. She starts playing the role of a good wife "I want to make love to my husband" and all that. Another WTF???
One thing leeds to another, he stops raping her, because she hands him her vagina on a silver platter. Then, suddenly, there is love in the air. I really don't know what happened to that poor fella who was trying to make love to her earlier in the book, because towards the end I was bored and annoyed to no end, and was doing some hardcore skimming.
The story ends with her, her husband and her vagina hand in hand riding into the sunset.

THE END.

I found the book absolutely ridiculous. I do agree with my bestie, Alex ;-), the Underestimated is a Consequences wannabe, because these two stories are very similar. The only differences are the horrible writing and all over the place characters. I'm only guessing here, but I think author read and liked Consequences and wanted to appeal to the fans of Aleatha Roming.
On a positive note - if heroine's vagina gets her own book, I will definitely read it :-D.