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LaLionne

LaLionne

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Lick - Kylie Scott I'm not sure what to say about this book. I didn't hate it, but didn't love it either. Since there were more things that I disliked than I liked, two stars is more than fair.

The story had a solid beginning. After I read the first chapter I was very exited. I was sure it will be at least a 4 star read.
Ev wakes up one morning, in a hotel room in Vegas, with the biggest hangover of her life, a wedding ring on her finger and a tattoo with a name "David" on her ass, with no memory of how all of those things happened. Uh-oh :-).
She came to Las Vegas with her friend to let loose and have fun and took things a little too far.
The guy next to her in bed is gorgeous, shoulder-long dark hair, well build, tattoos all over, just how I like 'em :-). The problem is she doesn't know who he is or how he got there.
David is being nice and attentive, while she is freaking out, understandably. They exchange few awkward sentences, she throws up on him a time or two before running out to catch a plane home.
When she get's to Portland she gets a shock of her life when paparazzies attack her at the airport asking all kinds of weird questions.
Here I thought "Let the good times roll" :-D. I knew they would end up together eventually, I just thought that I will have a blast reading about them going at each other, hating each other, fighting, while discovering things that they liked about one another and falling in love.. It was nothing of sort.

The more I read the more it seemed that the Ev in the first chapter and Ev in the rest of the book were two completely different characters. The first one sounded fun and adventurous, the Ev in the rest of the book was wishy washy, whining drama queen.
For me things went south after she went to his place to sign the divorce papers. I thought it was annoying when she started to call him her husband. I understand that technically he was her husband, but the way she kept saying it made it sound like she owned him, like they've been married for years or something.
I didn't like that they patched things up so soon. The words "true love" were used 3 days into their marriage :-S. Seriously???

To my disappointment, the high point of the story was when Ev walked in on David being kissed by Amanda. It was no-brainer, she walked in on something that wasn't what it looked like, but author made this huge drama out of it and dragged it on and on through the rest of the story. I'm so sick of this type of drama, it has been done a million times over, come up with something more creative.

Ev:
She is a weird one. I'm going to echo what my RB Alex said, she is geeky, and not in a sexy way. I also thought that her wording was very strange.
"His gaze lingered on my breasts until finally he dipped his head, taking one into his mouth."
Sh!t! The whole thing??? Either her breasts are very small or he has a huge mouth :-S.
"Without fuss he dealt with the condom."
I've never heard anyone making a fuss about disposing a condom. Ev made it sound like there was something to make fuss about, but David, being a gentleman that he is, never did. Was there something that author left unsaid? Did condom exploded? What happened? I want to know!
"I really didn't need him catching me sniffing at his crotch, no matter how poetic my thoughts. That would be embarrassment on a scale I'd prefer not to experience."

First of all, I think there is a word missing there. Alex? Second, Ev, you make it sound like sniffing guys crotches is unheard of. I do it all the time :-D :-D :-D.
But seriously, why would you want to sniff his crotch? That's the question of the day. Were there bees buzzing around it and you thought it might smell like honey?
"He didn't have much of a belly button. It was basically a small indent followed by a fine trail of dark hair leaning down across his flat stomach directly to it. And it was hard, thick, and long.
It being his penis, of course."
Of course! Phew, thank god it was his penis. For a second there I thought that scary ass raccoon will pop out from under the covers :-D.

"Face to face with my girly bits."
Freaky stuff. Her girly bits have a face :-S. I think I saw a scary movie once, where girls vagina had teeth. The face thing sounds almost as scary :-S.
"People in love were sickening. It was a proven medical fact."
Who proved it ? I wanna a name!
"I tucked my hair behind my ears because my ponytail had started falling apart again. Perfect metaphor for my life."
I don't know about it being a perfect metaphor, but it will do if you can't come up with a better one.
"He tramped up the stairs behind me, not really bothering to look around."

First of all, why would he be looking around? It's not like you lived in a cave. And second, how would you know he never looked around, he was walking behind you?

"Does your heart understands you're finished with her? I guess I mean your head, don't I?"
Beats the hell outta me. Who the hell knows what you mean anymore. I should have stop trying to understand a long time ago :-S.

There were couple wtf moments. The biggest one was when she almost had a stroke when she saw David's erection twitch. Funniest thing ever :-D. I would recommend to read this book for that scene alone.

"His c@ck twitched and I jerked back, startled."
Scary stuff. I think I would have passed out if I was in her situation, she handled it like a champ. And here I thought raccoon jumping out would have been scary :-D.

There were a lot of unnecessary adverbs like "obviously" and "clearly".

I'm all for authors getting creative, coming up with new and original phrases, but this one took it a little too far. Which left me confused more often than not. Even kindle dictionary didn't know the meaning of some of them. I was googling the hell out of some of them.

"I felt curiously naked with him now," ?
"Curiosity got the better of me, or maybe it already had." ?
"My spine snapped to attention."?
"It made me small and shut me down inside."?
"as per my usual modus operandi"
I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds very cool :-D.
"Face screwed up in confusion"
Sounds very cartoonish.
For a girl that couldn't come up with a better word for David's penis than "it" you, Ev, used a lot of big words. "Minuscule", "omnipotent" and "discombobulated". Now that's funny :-D.

David:
He is not your typical rock star. He doesn't have a single bad-boy bone in his body. His personality is too mellow and too vanilla for a persona like him. I liked him at first, but soon he jumped on the same train with Ev, heading for town Weird-Phrases-Big-Words-and-Things-That-Make-Little-To-No-Sence.

My problems with him tarted when Ev walked in on him and Amanda, and when he stood there speechless, mouth ajar. Then he started shouting for her to leave. Spanish telenovela much?
It took him 28 days to come to her. So much for true love :-).

"I care about your periods, Ev. Honestly to f@ck I do."
That's good to know, David, not a lot of guys do :-D.
"David: She surprised me when she kissed me. That's why I didn't stop her right away."
If someone would have been trying to suck my face off, my surprised reaction would have been hulk-punch him in the face and ask questions later. That's a slowest surprised reaction ever. It reminded me a little of Ev's none-kick in the balls :-).
"I didn't kiss you at the studio today because it felt like there was still too much up in the air between us. It didn't feel right."
Oh no? But f@cking her in the alley against the wall wasn't too much too soon? What's the deal with no kissing, people? You sound like a hooker, David :-).
"Your parents looked about ready to have kittens."
I guess he meant they were angry. I've seen a cat giving birth couple of times and it's not dramatic at all :-). Badass analogy for a badass rock star :-D. Weirdest analogy ever.

There was a character that I liked, Mal. He was very cool and funny. I hope he will get his own book. I'll defiantly read it.

All and all, it's a two "meh" stars from me.